I remember the time ... when i enjoyed this feeling .. the feeling of not knowing what lays ahead... it was exciting ... it had possibilities... and more importantly it gave my dreams a breathing space.

But for last few days it seems impossible to get back that feeling. It almost as if ... without realising i have to choose ..... between the life that has been programed for me and that uncertain future. And this time its for real. ITS REAL ... more than i culd have imagined.... its a decision i will only shot at. and slowly i see that breathing space for my dreams fading away.... and thats the thing i am most afraid of ... losing that hope... hope of change... hope of geeting what i want... I cant even tell a person i love about my feelings because i am afraid of bieng snacthed of that illusion that at a perfect moment wuld come when i wuld do that... I heard of a line in this movie that would feel the situation very well.... "A real loser is the one who is afraid of even trying because he might loose"..... but isnt it possible that he is afraid because that dream ... that illusion is so dear to him.... maybe others who get the courage to try .... know that they can handle losing their dream... maybe its not what they really really wanted ... maybe for them there are other options

Even today i believe.... i wuld not live a common life.... i would NOT let go of my dreams .. my ambition .... and this belief is so thin now.... that i fear it might break at any moment.... and i can hear myself shouting

WHY CANT I BE DIFFERENT
WHY IS THERE ALWAYS THAT GUILT FEELING ... that i am doing something wrong... that this not what others expect out of me ... that this would not impress someone i wuld like to impress.... time and again and again and again..... perhaps its true .... HUMAN RACE is born to be misreblle.... EVERYONE ..... People just say things like....
"Life is Unfair".... "grow up .... its real world now".. and this world is mean ... it has no respect for other person .... and i cant understand why ..... i know that one day my reaction to these same questions wuld be .... thats how world is .... but today in this brief moment when i have let myself go .... i scream here .... NO IT CANNOT BE .... IT CANT BE LIKED I DIDNT IMAGINE IT TO BE .... its my way .... my way ...IT HAS TO BE MY WAY .... and i will make it my way ...... one way or another....