NOT YET

Recently we had our valfi… a function … or a party… or better still a ritual that marks the end of an era. Almost everyone for the last whole semester was waiting for it… I on the other hand was dreading it. I feared that it wont be like I imagine it to be. That something somewhere will go wrong… and this special day will be lost. I feared that I wont get a good slot …that I wont be able to tell everyone, everything I always wanted to… that somewhere someone will be hurt by what I might say. I feared that it will be like that movie that everyone praises... and you can then never enjoy it because of those expectations…I even tried to organize a pre-valfi nite... just in case...

But I culdnt have been more wrong… Everyone I wanted was there… I told everyone what I wanted to…. Hugged each friend one last time… cried .. and cried out loud… got into a mood of saying goodbye to everyone … felt close to every person that mattered. But still even after what will be called tending to perfect valfi … I still dread those hours … even after 4 days … and that is something I cant get of my mind… It is just a moment ago that I realized what the problem was… It was never a matter of .. who was there… what I said… what everyone else said about me… how did I feel … how brilliant the video was.. how perfect the profile was… the only problem was that doing all that… going through that experience meant accepting the fact that its all over now …. Accepting the fact that the reset button of life has been pushed … and I will have to start over and leave behind all that is here today….

Maybe I am not just ready for that…. Not this time…Not yet