Uncensored.....

the false promise

2010-11-27T16:17:00.003+05:30

The earliest i remember is in summer holidays after 2nd grade. I was to try for a new better school. So... "Bas abhi thoda padh lo admission ho jaye fir toh koi tension hi nahi". maine mani
then came 10th "10th aa gaya hai. Is saal sab bhool ke padho... fir koi tension nahi". Maine wo bhi mani
10th ke baad gaye kota " Do saal ka vanwas hai mehnat karke nikal do, fir to life set"
Maine wo bhi mani
IIT main ghuse "4 saal acche grades lana, after all last 4 years of student life"
Maine wo bhi mani
IIT 4th year "Placements ko seriously le lo, job acchi lag jaye to sab set"
MAIN WO BHI MANI
5-6 months into the job "Thoda kaam pe concentrate karo back office se bahar nikalna hai ki hai"
Bas.... it took me so many years to realize.... IT IS NEVERENDING..... isiliye ab main NAHI mani

PS: These are not statements of what anyone told me but rather my view of the situation in front of me at different stages in life

2010-07-13T14:19:00.000+05:30

So what is the ultimate truth???
The human mind will never be able to understand MOST of the things ... let alone EVERYTHING

Azadiyan - Udaan (some of the finest lyrics lately)

2010-07-08T14:03:00.000+05:30

Peron Ki Bedia Khwabon Ko Baandhe Nahi Re, Kabhi Nahi Re
Mitti Ki Parton Ko Nanhe Se Ankur Bhi Chire Dhire Dhire
Irade Hare Bhare Jinki Sino Mei Kar Kare
Woh Dil Ki Sune, Kare, Na Daare Naa Daare

Naa Naa Aaaaa
Subho Ki Kirno Ko Rooke Jo Salhake Hai Kahan
Jo Khayalon Pe Pehre Daale Woh Aankhein Hai Kahan
Par Khulne Ki Deri Hai Parinde Udke Jhumenge
Aasma Aasma Aasma

Subho Ki Kirno Ko Rooke Jo Salhake Hai Kahan
Jo Khayalon Pe Pehre Daale Woh Aankhein Hai Kahan
Par Khulne Ki Deri Hai Parinde Udke Jhumenge
Aasma Aasma Aasma

Aazaadiyan Aazaadiyan
Maange Na Kabhi Aazadiyan
Mile Mile
Aazadiyan Aazadiyan Ho O O
Jo Jile Wahi Jile Jile

Subho Ki Kirno Ko Rooke Jo Salhake Hai Kahan
Jo Khayalon Pe Pehre Daale Woh Aankhein Hai Kahan
Par Khulne Ki Deri Hai Parinde Udke Jhumenge
Aasma Aasma

Subho Ki Kirno Ko Rooke Jo Salhake Hai Kahan
Jo Khayalon Pe Pehre Daale Woh Aankhein Hai Kahan
Par Khulne Ki Deri Hai Parinde Udke Jhumenge
Aasma Aasma Aasma

Khanani Khatam Hone Ko Hai Ya Shurvat Hone Ko Hai
Subha Nahi Hai Yeh Ya Phir Raat Hone Ko Hai
Kahani Khatam Hai Ya Shurvat Hone Ko Hai
Subha Nai Hai Yeh Ya Phir Raat Hone Ko Hai

Aane Wala Waqt Dega Panhain
Ya Phir Se Milenge Do Raahe
Khabar Kya Kya Pata

The Library of Babel

2010-07-03T21:56:00.002+05:30

Some thoughts and imaginations are so vivid and engrossing, that its impossible to explain them to someone else. This piece of 'fiction' is so confusing and endless and yet seems to make so so much sense. You HAVE to read it for yourself. DO IT NOW (click on the title)

PAF Reviews : 4. Antaragini

2010-03-31T14:46:00.001+05:30

So it’s time for the last paf review of the season “Antaragini”. I would apologize in the beginning itself for over use of the phrase “PROD TOH GOOOODMAXXX THAAA”. I really can’t help but going to this point again and again.

With the preview of the paf concentrating more on prod rather than script dance etc; they sure had built a curiosity about it before the paf started. When the stage opened, it was decent mall, a petrol pump (very realistic at that), and a fame adlabs box office. My reaction was nice… they have made a good prod. Little did I know that this was just the tip of the iceberg. With little over 7 mins (relying on zen for the time calculation) they transformed the mall to a life size bandra station. Not just a few things … the transformation was from tip to toe, every FRAME, every backdrop changed. Also they didn’t miss out on detailing too. As if an illuminated weighing machine and an over bridge was not enough, they had a moving cctv camera in the corner too. And after this heavy dinner to digest they brought in the special desert, the gem…. THE LOCAL TRAIN. Realistic as I have ever seen, stable enough to have choreo junta dancing on top of it and illuminated brilliantly to give it the touch of perfection. I guess any civil professor would be very happy to watch them execute this HUMONGOUS prod so neatly.

Ok so enough about the prod, lets get to other things. For me this PAF was like a bollywood movie, fast paced exciting very well shot in the first half, but then slowly the story looses track, and it almost seems like the director didn’t know how to end it. The most disappointing part of the paf was script and direction. I guess they themselves had acknowledged that story is very simple, but then again when so much effort is being put in other things, so many experiments (successful at that) in other departments, one expects the story to be at least engaging and a bit logical till the end. Right after the meeting of the AD with the producer, the story was kind of obvious. The end too was a bit abrupt and left many questions unanswered. Also many scenes (even if I neglect the petrol pump scene when the prod was being changed) were stretched without any purpose. It was almost as if they started with brilliant ideas (photo story, use of mall, etc) but then lost it halfway in the script. Also all the scenes needed much more direction, especially the shooting scenes. The lack of defined screenplay made the actors look a bit lost and took away the momentum built by the energetic choreos. But as for other elements, kudos on : 1. Experiments 2. Implementation and 3. Entertainment. Agreed there were a couple of unnecessary choreos, but they were entertaining none the less. Special mention for the little guy in blue shirt, who did the acrobats on the flying ring. Humor from script as well as the choreos was more or less well received. Jabs at Panchi re and ramleela were expected but still amusing. Music was average, but the title OC was quite melodious. But the plan of performing the ost of ‘little miss sunshine’ rather than playing the original for choreo didn’t work out as the track sounded a bit childish. Acting was good in patches, and more often lacked direction rather than talent or effort. Lighting was brilliant. Not only was the light detailing in the petrol pump and train outstanding, but its inclusion in the script time and again was also a clap worthy idea.

All in all it was a very good paf, but had the potential of being one of the all time greats if it had a better 2nd half of script. Still no doubt in saying that of all the pafs till date this was the best prod I have ever seen. This is the only prod which beats the golden temple from 1984. Pupun is right in reviews, prod junta ke haat kaat do.

All in all it has been an entertaining PAF season, and such prods have boosted alumni confidence that this culture won’t just die off. Yesterday when I went to see the paf I was expecting the results before I wrote this review. But as that is not the case it is an unasked question for me not only to rate this paf, but also guess the ranks of all 4.

Well as per individual rating goes I would give this one 8.5/10. I gave the same rating to Panchi re too. In fact for ranks too it is this close, and would come down to individual choices I guess. If possible I would give both a combined first, but I can hear the boos for that already :P. So here goes, my official guess:

1. Antaragini
2. Panchi re ( very close second)
3. Mai maati
4. Ramleela

Discussion, Criticism, disagreements are welcome…. ACCUSATIONS ARE NOT.

Signing off with thanks for all the responses

Golani

PAF Reviews : 3. Mai Maati

2010-03-27T12:54:00.001+05:30

So now the PAF season has crossed the halfway mark. On 26th evening we had the third PAF “Maai Maati” loosely meaning “Meri mitti/dharti”. And out of the 3 Pafs uptill now, I think this one is the most difficult to write about. For the earlier 2 PAFs I had a good enough picture of what I was going to write as soon as the paf ended. There were many obvious likes and dislikes in those two. But for this third paf it is not that simple. I actually thought and replayed the PAF, the story again and again in my mind. It was when I watched the PAF ‘preview’ again, that it hit me. There is one very true statement there by someone “Ye PAF us sadiyon purani PAF recipie ki tarah hai jismain bas kuch naya masala daalne ki koshish ki hai”. This about sums it up. I think this was the reason why the general response to the paf was “bahut accha tha” and not “bahuuuuuutt accha tha”. Those extra ‘u’s matter a lot. They tell you that the first one is appreciation of the effort but the second one is a reaction after enjoying the PAF.

The PAF centered around a very hot current issue “Naxalism”. To be honest I also didn’t know much about what is going on there. I always approached the issue as communist groups refusing to development. Atleast now my unintentional bias has been removed. The PAF from the word go got into this issue, covering a slight history and the actual state in these villages affected by it. However despite the through research and incidences cited during conversations they, atleast for me, could not bring out the pain of the people affected. Here is what I mean:

They very smartly had constructed this character of Rajeev shekhar, the reporter who is kidnapped by the naxalites. The use of this character is that he is like us, “urban” and unaware of the actual situation. The goal should have been for him to slowly discover the problems in the village. However what did happen was all the background info was thrown at the audience one after the other. And the only incidence that did show the injustice being done to them was the shooting of bittu at the station. In short, in my opinion getting into the issue from the word go and ‘telling’ (not showing) all the problems failed to really make the audience wonder. Infact just the video alone brought in more impact about the issue than the whole story of the PAF. Still to avoid the risk of being over critical let’s move on to the elements

The highlight undoubtedly was MUSIC. The vocals, sitar and tabla jugalbandi, folky tunes for the village scenes were also well thought out. Choreo for me was just average, how ever I did enjoy the ‘mahishasur choreo’ quite a lot. I never knew I could be intrigued by this type of dance so much. Prod involving the moving train was a good idea, however a few more people in it apart from the neta they were waiting for would have made it more realistic. Apart from that the village prod also quite beautifully done. Voiceovers for me were inconsistent, (especially female). There were regular mistakes, stammers and more importantly very few had a distinct trait especially in the village, where it was hard to make out who is who. Still a few VO did standout like the police inspector, bittu, champa rani and saved the day for them. Acting was okish. Most of the humor didn’t really work and the only funny scene that stayed with me was the DDLJ impression. Overall execution however could have been much tighter. Though no major putches, the scene cuts and abrupt choreos hindered the flow of the story. The streetplay though by now a bit of a cliché, was very very well executed and did get the audience going. Another scene that stood out for me was the one when Rajeev shekhar, after spending time in the village, starts a virtual show in the village itself. Supported by some really beautiful music this scene for the first time enabled me to feel the characters in the village. That is why I also mentioned earlier that more use of this character in exploring the problems in the village would have been much more effective than just the villagers discussing it like a history lesson.

So concluding I would say, though no major problem with script or the execution or the elements, this was still just another paf, with nothing there we haven’t seen before. Even the train prod ( though the prod junta involved might not know this) has been done before. Infact I was strongly reminded of PAFs like “Saare jahan se accha” and “1984”. Still for a typical PAF they came through, had their set of highlights and most importantly did bring out quite a few things about the issue not known to many.

Overall rating: 7/10

PAF reviews: 2. Panchi Re!!!

2010-03-23T16:25:00.001+05:30

First of all thanks guys for all the feedback on the previous review, please continue with your comments coz they do help a lot.

So on 22nd evening we had the second PAF of the season “Panchi Re”. The immediate verdict is obviously that it was very very good. The humor, the execution, the energy (in choreo as well as VO and acting) was spectacular. Prod junta did a great job too. The thing that set this PAF apart in my opinion was how they started with an entertaining script and slowly brought in some relevant points without making it abrupt.

A few words on the elements. Voiceovers really surprised me. The voice traits given to every weird character was funny and enjoyable. Infact it was these well delivered traits that saved the regular fumbling and incorrect dialogues. Its upto judges what was more important to them. Acting was good but not consistent. A few scenes clearly looked less rehearsed than others specially the flashes when sajalpur starts facing problems. Those scenes also lacked BG music which could have pulled it through. But still despite this dip the overall energy of the paf remained very high all throughout. Music and Choreo …. “DOUBLE THUMBS UP”. They really performed very well. Great original scores, although there should have been more meeting between script junta and music junta coz I still believe they missed out on BG music in a few very imp scenes. Choreo junta rocked. There were no really never before things but THE ENERGY in itself was something I had never seen before, the Ghana Ghana choreo and the holi choreo really set the pace. I am not a very big fan of UV personally but still the execution of that was also good. Lights junta for a change managed to keep their nerve( :P) so kudos to them too. The center stage prod was awesome, and the village prod was also very neat. Although they could have come up with a few more things for the village in the quadrangle.

Now we come to the one debatable point of the PAF. Almost everybody I spoke with loved the PAF, the humor the elements, etc but there were definitely some debate as to what they were trying to show in the end. I assume that no one’s intention was to take sides in the Marathi vs. bihari issue. But the way the debate was portrayed and the story went on, it sort of crossed the line of being politically correct. One should realize and actually believe that there are always 2 sides of the story, and there is some weight to both sides that’s why the argument exists. Otherwise it would have been solved long back. Still in the debate it seemed that the scales were tilted in the favor of gopu bhaiyaa. And this was a fact felt by many people sitting around me and to some I spoke to afterwards. The argument where the question of violence was raised gopu’s character defended that they “gandhiji protested peacefully coz britishers listened to it… but biharis can only be taught the lesson through violence” was really something you can’t expect people to digest. Infact someone in the audience got so offended that he actually got up and start shouting “ Band karo salo….”. His friends had to pull him down to avoid a scene. One has to realize that if someone can get so offended in the middle of the performance there was a problem. It’s not about saying the bitter truth but the way it was being said slightly crossed the line. I guess a healthy debate while writing this part could have helped iron out this issue, especially it being so sensitive.

Despite all that the final extension towards solution was great. Though not a path breaking solution, it gave a positive end to the story which in such situations is very important. And the final lines of how a bird needs to have both its wings working together to fly along with the choreo and the original score did create that emotional impact they were looking for.

So concluding I would say, great work, superb execution. I don’t remember many pafs in which the energy in everything was so high throughout the PAF. Humor clicked and really got the audience involved. Could have used some more work in a few scenes which were too short and lacked the intensity compared to others, but one can easily overlook that in the overall picture. The only thing that could give a slight negative impression to the judges was like I said the handling of the issue, especially with people getting offended right near the judges table. Still it would take a hell lot of effort to beat his one

Overall rating: 8.5/10

P.S: keep those comments coming people

PAF Reviews : 1. Ramleela

2010-03-19T14:52:00.001+05:30

It’s been after 5 years that in the month of March I am getting my full quota of sleep. So this being the first time in so many years that I am not involved AT ALL in the ongoing PAFs I thought I would give a shot at objective unbiased “reviews” (with a hint of personal take :P). So here goes

RAMLEELA (I won’t mention the hostels, as I need to be unbiased)
So the hype had been created by an awesomely shot and edited video. The snappiness, speed and the perfection of the trailer however was missing in the real PAF. This is the first time I think where each team is being given 4 days in OAT. The expectation of this I am sure would have been a tighter and well rehearsed PAF. However on that account Ramleela was found wanting. While watching the PAF I was reminded of this line our director in my first year would repeatedly say … “PAF main execution sab kuch hota hai”. Back then I thought it was just a speech to make us practice endlessly but after 5 years I know for sure that execution if not “sab kuch” is the most, most important part of the PAF.

Moving on to finer details. The concept was nice. I heard people complaining that dev d se uthaya kuch original nahi! Let me inform you … EVERY PAF I know has been inspired from some movie or other. At least here only the style was the inspiration and not the story. Still despite all the thought that would have surely gone into the development of the story, the ambition of of pulling something off like dev d in PAF was a bit too much for me. I think the wow of dev d (which I am assuming is what would have inspired the writers and directors of the PAF) atleast for me was not in the parallels drawn to the original story. Infact while watching dev d I hardly remembered devdas. The wow factor of dev d was from the characters and the artistic styling of the whole movie. Things like paro vigorously using a hand pump while shouting, design of chanda’s room and the dual life of her in the college. Instead the focus in the PAF was the parallels which in my opinion didn’t create impact of that level. Still being a firm believer of “trying something new” I appreciate the gamble.

As far as different elements are concerned, Lights and prod shifting were the obvious putches and choreo (though a couple too many) and music were the show stealers. Acting and voiceovers were inconsistent. The idea of having the music group to be a part of the stage was brilliant. Also the deliberate attempt of having scenes in between the choreos was also very commendable. I hope PAFs would start using choreo as a way to tell story rather than a gap filler.

Overall the length should have been much shorter, and the execution much better. I am not sure but it felt that a couple of scenes towards the end could not be acted out due to some problems, which definitely took away from the impact.
RATING : I hate to give individual rating, and I think I have included all relevant points that I remember in the text already. So for over all rating I would go with 5/10. The attempt to something meaningful was visible but not completely achieved.

P.S.: Please feel free to comment, appreciate and CRITICIZE (if you must) the review. Your feedback will be my fuel to continue writing the reviews for the rest of the PAFs as well

2010-01-28T00:47:00.001+05:30

Wake up sid is good and REFRESHING!!!

No Surprises - Radiohead

2010-01-16T02:40:00.001+05:30

A heart that's full up like a landfill
A job that slowly kills you
Bruises that won't heal

You look so tired and unhappy
Bring down the government
They don't, they don't speak for us
I'll take a quiet life
A handshake of carbon monoxide

No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
Silent, silent

This is my final fit, my final bellyache with

No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises please

Such a pretty house, such a pretty garden

No alarms and no surprises (let me out of here)
No alarms and no surprises (let me out of here)
No alarms and no surprises please (let me out of here)

2009-12-02T22:39:00.003+05:30

And so he asked the learned one ... "When does this struggle finally end". The learned one replied in the same tone "When YOU are actually PROUD of YOURSELF". He thought about it and asked again, rather hopefully "Is that possible?". The learned one just smiled.

From "The story of my Assassians"

2009-11-27T15:42:00.003+05:30

... the world doesn't need to fixed, it only needs to be balanced.

And the art of balance demands you tread lightly, not leap about in a continual frenzy. The art of balance demands you know your designated role in the game of life, not start muscling in on everyone else's. The art of balance demands an absence of panic, a rippleless internal calm. The art of balance demands knowledge of timelessness, of birth and death and rebirth. The art of balance demands that you know the world cannot be fixed, it must be endured; it must, simply, be kept forever in splendid play.

PAANCH!!!!

2009-11-14T10:37:00.002+05:30

can't believe i never tried to get these songs before... combine ideas from anurag kashyap and music from Vishal Bharadwaaj... and you are bound to get some whacky things... here's one of the songs from the never approved movie "Paanch".. trust me you need to hear these songs...

Nish Sampa Mare Ga
Nish Sampa Mare Ga
Nish Sampa Mare Ga
Nish Sampa Mare Ga
Nish Sampa Mare Ga
Baith Ja Yahni Tu Ja Mat
Baith Ja Yahni Tu Ja Mat
Abey Gheen Aati Hai Khuja Mat
Abey Oh Besure Tu Gaa Mat

Aye Aye Kya Karta Hai Bujha Mat
Baith Ja Yahin Tu Ja Mat
Aye Aye Eey Aye
Aye Murgi Maachis Hai Kya Maachis Nahin Hai
To Aa Aa Aa Dil Se Laga Ke Jala Le
Aye Pondy Sutta De Sutta Abey Hut Chal Hut
Dabbe Se Tota Utha Le
Abey Kyon Sulgaata Raheta Hai Hamesha
Ghud Ghud Ubalta Rehta Hai Hamesha
Chup Reh Warna Kya Kare Ga Mare Ga
Mar Haya Mar Gaya Mar Gaya Re Mar Gaya
Mar Gaya Hoon Maine Jila Mat
Abey Gheen Aati Hai Khuja Mat
Are Oh Besure Tu Ga Mat Are Kya Bujha Mat
Aye Jo Kya Sochta Hai Boy
Kuch Khaas Nahin Luke To Soch Soch Soch
Ki Gutne Kahin Akad Na Jaaye Oye Luke
Solid Lagi Hai Bhook
To Kha Kha Kha Bheja Tera Baap Ka Hai Khaale
Bol Chikni Ko Pakka Degi
Abey Saale Tu Bhi Kutta Hai
Bow Kaategaa
Kaatne De Kaatne De Kaatne De
Kaatne De Tu Dhoom Hila Mat
Abey Gheen Aati Hai Khuja Mat
Abey Oh Besure Tu Ga Mat
Aye Aye Kya Karta Hai Bhuja Mat
Baith Ja Yahin Tu Ja Mat
Aare Aye Bujha Mat

Good or Bad?!?!?!

2009-11-06T14:36:00.002+05:30

Read an article on the new movie 'Tum mile'... and realized something very weird... I have been writing an exact same script ... A couple falls in love during a calamity .. in their case its 26/07 Mumbai floods... in my case its 26/11 Mumbai terror Attack. The film, in both cases, revolves on how in this danger to life they realize their love for each other. And the similarities don't stop on the date only... in my story as well as this movie both the girl and boy are ex. They have been in a relationship in the past ... and have broken up due to some reason. And now realize how silly they were.

This happened a few months ago too... although not to a very developed script but the idea was exactly the same. It was for a tv show.. where the whole plot is 'Reality show Big boss goes wrong'. There is a murder in the house... and the show must go on .. coz TRP's are sky high... so how are the participants convinced and how is the crowd fooled... and how is the culprit found.
Lo Behold a month later after we thought of this idea a Show started with the SAME story!!! WHAT THE HELL!!

Made me wonder ... Am i actually thinking of good commercial ideas... which is very good.... or is it that i am thinking of very common ideas that every other writer can think up?!?! WHICH IS BAD

passing thoughts

2009-09-09T00:54:00.001+05:30

I am in fact ... after all that has been ..... JUST A CUPID WITH THE ROSE IN HIS HAND ... still....

24-23

2009-08-04T00:08:00.002+05:30

I never enjoy my trips to Pune in a train. The time it takes to travel from Mumbai to Pune is really very annoying. Its not short enough to ignore like in local trains and Its not long enough to catch a nap or to chat with someone in the train. Even though the it’s a reserved compartment its treated as a general one, with the TC nowhere in sight.

I was dreading the trip that day even more. I had gotten seat number 24, Side UPPER, which I sure has been designed for kids. Anyways the Train from Kalyan was crowded like always. The day being a Friday never helps either. I was just wishing my seat be wind facing, so that I can just put on my ipod and doze off for some time. But Alas! It wasn’t. I HATE SEAT NUMBER 24

While travelling alone every young guy runs over a fantasy. The fantasy being that he would meet a beautiful young woman who would be sitting beside them. She would be alone too. Of course what would happen next depends on where you are reading this fantasy, but the civilized version is, they would get to talking and slowly find that they share so many common things. They would exchange numbers, both realizing that his can go somewhere.

That day as if to apologize for the discomfort of all my trips to pune, I was blessed with the golden chance- to live the fantasy (the civilized version of course). As I approached my seat. Cursing the humidity and crowd in even in reserved compartments, I was surprised to see a young lady sitting in my seat. She was wearing a green salwar suit, wheatish complexion and dark black eyes, highlighted by a thin layer of kajal. From the looks of it she would have been between 20-25. She was carrying a Nike backpack. I hesitated.
“Excuse me, but that’s my seat. Number 24”.
“Oh sorry, mine is 23. Here you go” she replied scooting over to her side.
“Thanks” was all I could mumble back. She responded with a smile.
I slipped my luggage under the seat and removed my shoes. I was suddenly very aware of the fact now, that my sock had tiny hole in it.

My mind had already started racing. What be a subtle way to start a conversation.
‘You’re going to pune?’. No, of course she is, this train goes to pune only, that would be dumb. Only someone like Aamir khan can pull off such a question and I am no Aamir Khan, and this is not DCH.
‘You work in pune?’ No that won’t be appropriate.
Just as I was running over all the permutations she got a call, and a horrifying thought hit me. So what if this lady was alone! She could easily have a boyfriend or even be married. My eyes quickly darted to her left hand. No ring on the ring finger. Then carefully observed her neck. No mangalsutra either. But still the call could be from her boyfriend. The announcement at the station was very loud, robbing me of any opportunity of eavesdropping.

About 10-15 mins had passed. The train was already out of Kalyan city. Then length of her call didn’t make me hopeful. Usually girls talk this long only to either their parents or their boyfriends. I could hear the girls I know disapproving of my action. ‘So guys only talk to girls only if she is single’, ‘That’s pathetic’, ‘How mean’, ‘BOYS!!!’. Ya well that’s all true right there.
Still this thought of disapproval , convinced me to atleast talk to her. But I was still looking an opening line.
“Could you watch my bag? I will just be back”. She asked suddenly
I nodded and said “sure” in the weirdest of voices, which I am sure she didn’t even hear.
Ok good so, she spoke to you first. That’s good, now all I had to do was continue the conversation when she came back. But what would that be. ‘Went to the loo?’. I AM SO STUPID, of course she did. Damn I was stuck again. Before I could think anymore she was back. She rearranged her bag, and her wrist watch. WRIST WATCH!!
“whats the time please?”
“7 30”
Wow! Smooth talk.
I had given up. There was no point. I simply took out the book I had bought just before coming. I was half hoping she would ask me what it was about. But remembering my taste in books I was glad she didn’t.
Just when all hope was lost I found a window. This man selling mineral water was passing by. She stopped him and asked for one bottle.
“Kitna hua?” How much?
“12”
She took out 2 ten rupee notes.
“Chutta do na madam” Give me change
She started searching her purse, but couldn’t find any.
She opened her Nike back pack, started digging in every compartment, frustrated not to find any change. It was then that I realized this opportunity.
“If you don’t, may I give it”.
She looked at me, blank for sec. My heart skipped a beat waiting for the reaction. And then she smiled again.
“Thanks”
“No problem” I said with a lot more style.
It was one those filmy moments that keep saying happen all the time. We just miss them most of the times.
Just as she handed over the money to the hawker, her phone rang again. And all my fears came rushing back. She talked for less 2 mins., visibly annoyed though. I couldn’t hear much but just before she disconnected the call I heard,
“Please dad, stop calling every 20 mins. I am fine. I can take care of myself”
WOHOOOO
It was her dad.
“Dads huh?!?! So you live in Pune?” I started not wanting to waste the opportunity.
She looked at me for a sec, not replying, calculating something. For a moment I thought she was annoyed by my statement.
“No I am going there for studying. How about you?”
We were on our way. I was living the fantasy, chatting for 2 hours straight. Her name was Apeksha. We talked about college and parents, how we have grown up, about how girls are smarter than boys (yeah, I took her side :P). All in all it was a really magical journey with the train hustling through the beautiful lonavala landscapes. I SIMPLY LOVE SEAT NUMBER 24 .
She had to get down at shivajinagar, a station just before pune junction where I had to get down. The train was almost there and there was one thing I was mustering the courage to ask. But what if she refuses. She is after all daddy’s little girl who has been taught to stay away from strangers. The train came to a halt. She got up.
“Bye”
“Bye” I replied.
She was leaving. This was my only chance. I had to ask. Common man.
“Apeksha, listen can I have your phone number?”
She again paused a sec too long.
“Sure, 9874321344”
“Thanks” I said, practically beaming.
This story would be a hit in my friends. They won’t believe at first, but then I had her number now to prove it.
I SIMPLY LOVE SEAT NUMBER 24.
I was smiling sitting alone. Took out my cell. Saved the number. I should text her to let her know my number too, I thought.
‘Hey, it was great talking to u. tc – Amit’
I hit sent still smiling.
My cell beeped. It would be the delivery verification I tht.
‘Message delivery failure’. I tried again, but it failed again.
Train came to a stop. We had reached pune station. But my smile was now fading away.
I got down on the station and tried calling her
‘Please chk the number you have dialed’
Oh shit. Did I save the wrong number? No it can’t be. It’s not possible. I darted towards the passenger list of the coach that is pasted on. Searched for seat number 23.
RAKHI SAXENA AGE: 25 SEAT NO.: 23
She was just a daddy’s little girl protecting herself. Should I be angry?!?!?!
I HATE SEAT number 24

2009-07-28T02:46:00.002+05:30

Is it?
What if?
When would?
Does she?
Will he?
How much?
Where will?
Could I?
Would I?
Should I?
Whom to?
Today?
Tomorrow?
Right ?
Bluff?
Lie?
Trust?
.
.
.
.
Hope?
Life was great when at least some teacher knew all the answers

2009-07-18T21:26:00.000+05:30

Necessarily we are all fond of murders, scandals, swindles, robberies, explosions, collisions, and all such things, when we know the people, and when they are neighbors and friends, but when they are strangers we do not get any great pleasure out of them, as a rule.... I would not give the assassination of one personal friend for a whole massacre of those others. And to my mind, one relative or neighbor mixed up in a scandal is more interesting than a whole Sodom and Gomorrah of outlanders gone rotten. Give me the home product every time.

GENIUS

2009-07-01T09:03:00.001+05:30

As a kid everyone has a bit of everything in them. WE are all at some point good at music, debating, GK, dramatics, drawing, even sports. As a kid I was really gud at playing the congo, I blew away audiences with my speech, won the magi quiz contest, got selected for the lead role in the house play, and also played decent tennis.
It is after we grow up that we give up these dreams. Or rather, it is in the process of growing up, that we begin to realize, we are not as good and that the world had other geniuses too.
In about 7th grade I had joined a personality development class by the name “genius”. It was quite fun actually… word games, JAM sessions, GK sessions, mock press interviews, elocutions, extempore. It was like everything I would have liked to do in school without the stupid courses. But it was not easy getting into these classes.
“Please dad, it’s gonna help me”
“Please dad it won’t cost much”
“Please dad, I will finish my homework before going there everyday”
“Please dad, this other guy from my class goes there too… you want me to come second next time there is a quiz?”
Ah! I was in. And so it began. I was another genius, everyday discussing and interacting with other geniuses of the city, only with time I was bound to leave them behind. I was loud in the JAMS, expressive in extempore. People saw me as an inspired orator, or so I made myself believe. At home my father was amazed at my efficiency. I heard him saying to my mom that at first he tht he might be wasting his money, but this class was worth every penny he was spending.
Every year at the end, the best all round performer at the class was awarded a prize, infact a title “Genius of the year”. I was right on my way to grab that first award of my life. I nailed all the speaking events. Was even invited to give demos to other classes where students were a little week.
Now came the time of written quizzes. The word games were difficult, I always had problem with the spellings. Maths was ok, but everyone else seemed to finish before me. The real setback was GK. There were 20 questions. We had to answer them in 30 mins. Except that in my case time didn’t matter. I thought there was nothing general about the General knowledge. Whats the capital of turkey? .. I Don’t know… What was Mark twain’s third novel?... I don’t know When did the gulf war start?.. I DON’T KNOW!!!
You know that feeling when you actually know blood is rushing up to you brain, turning your face and ears red with embarrassment . Everyone around me was busy writing, scribbling, erasing and rewriting. Me, I was lost in an image where I was falling down like Alice in the wonderland. Such a pity though , IDIDN’T KNOW THE NAME OF IT’S AUTHOR.
“Time up” I heard. Everyone got up themselves and formed al line near our instructor handing over the papers. Just them I saw the sheet of the kid in front of me. Q 19 PURI. That’s all I could read. Without thinking I scribbled the answer down. I wont be out for a duck. As I handed over the paper to our instructor, I could not meet his eyes. I tried to leave as quickly as possible but … “Amit, come here please.” Everyone else had left.
“You got just one question???”.. I guess there was no respect in scoring just a single either.
“Well… is it right?”
He noded… dissapointed
“I don’t know all this stuff… I never read about it….”
I thought he would shout at me, for not completing my home assignments… for not paying attention in GK classes.
But nothing of that sort happened. He just gave me a disappointing stare and left. I wondered about it all the way back home. This was no school I was going to, where if I don’t perform I would fail. Here we all met to enjoy and learn, learning that had nothing to do with exams. We were gonna be as gud as we wanted ourselves to be. May be that disappointment was not because I failed to answer the questions, but because he saw a boy, with probably some potential, and yet throwing it away.
As we grow up, one by one we loose al such dreams. I realized I was not as gud in GK as I tht. Yes I had won Maggi quiz contest when I was in 5th… but tht was a long time ago. I was still gud at dramatics, but maybe some day that bubble will burst too.
I didn’t go to the prize distribution ceremony for the classes, even though I had won several individual awards.
“So when does it start next year…? Let me know so I would get a DD made for your fees”
“ No dad… I don’t think I wanna go next year. I would waste my time, I need to study. Its gonna be boards next year”
Oh well, kids lie.

2009-06-18T22:46:00.002+05:30

Heard a love story.

Guy loved the girl on first sight. Sought every possible chance to be in her way. Indirectly invited her to picnic. Started a friendship with the girls sister. Carried her bag through treks. Went uninvited to her bday and pretended he didn't realize it. Still remembers the taste of the Halwa she served him. Changes all his passwords to her name. Gets chance to spend one whole day with her alone. Spends the whole day talking about her, what she likes, what she eats, which movies she likes. Becomes a vegetarian because she is one. Realizes she is impressed by intelligence. Steals exam papers from the principals office and gets 90%. But somehow the girl comes to know he cheated. They never spoke ever since.

After many years he mustered the courage to give her a mssd call. She called back. They had the shortest conversation. "You gave me a mssd call?". "Ya... Happy Bday". "Thanks".

True love stories are even more filmy.

2009-05-31T04:33:00.002+05:30

The young all have the same dream: to save the world. Some quickly forget this dream, convinced that there are more important things to do, like having a family, earning money, travelling and learning a foreign language. Others, though, decide that it really is possible to make a difference in society and to shape the world we will hand onto future generations.

They start by choosing their profession: politicians (whose initial impulse always stems from a desire to help their local community), social activists (who believe that the root of crime lies in class differences), artists (who believe there is no hope at all and that we'll just start again from zero)... and policemen

2009-05-23T01:39:00.000+05:30

Tornados ... WOW!!.. they r just WOW!!!

2009-04-28T16:10:00.001+05:30

Do you really want peace in the world? Have you ever considered that there was never peace in the world and that therefore this goal may simply be unattainable?

2009-04-18T03:48:00.000+05:30

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

2009-03-04T21:32:00.000+05:30

Sun been down for days
A pretty flower in a vase
A slipper by the fireplace
A cello lying in its case

Soon she’s down the stairs
Her morning elegance she, wears
The sound of water makes her dream
Awoken by a cloud of steam
She pours a daydream in a cup
A spoon of sugar sweetens up

And she fights for her life as she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain as it pours
And she fights for her life as she goes in a store
With a thought she has caught by a thread
She pays for the bread and she goes
Nobody knows

Sun been down for days
A winter melody she plays
The thunder makes her contemplate
She hears a noise behind the gate
Perhaps a letter with a dove
Perhaps a stranger she could love

And she fights for her life as she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain as it pours
And she fights for her life as she goes in a store
With a thought she has caught by a thread
She pays for the bread and she goes
Nobody knows
Nobody knows

And she fights for her life as she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain as it pours
And she fights for her life as she goes in a store
Where the people are pleasantly strange
And counting the change as she goes
Nobody knows
Nobody knows
Nobody knows

2009-02-06T18:57:00.004+05:30

HAT JAA RE HAT JA RE .... Pare HAT JAA REE Nazron se....

Aankhon ka hai dhoka aisa tera pyaar ....
TERA E........ A.........

YOU B....

2008-12-18T17:05:00.004+05:30

I by chance came up with a very good(or so i think) analogy while having a conversation with my parents. Although the conversation is personal :P:P ... i would sure like to share the analogy as i think it applies to quite a lot of things.

I asked my parents to imagine a situation when in a lonely jungle with a lot of grass, there are only two animals. A sheep which can run very fast ... and a lion. Now naturally the lion wants to hunt down the sheep and eat it while the sheep wants to run away. Whom would you call a villian in this situation. The obvious answer they gave was lion... coz he wants to kill the sheep. I agreed ... but then i asked them to look it from a different point of view. Isn't the sheep mean, to run away when it is obviously the only food that can keep the lion alive. Th lion cant survive on grass... its his biological need to eat meat. So in a way no one is wrong... each one is trying to do their job..
Its the lion's job to hunt down the sheep .. and it is the sheeps job to run away... its just the way nature is designed .. no right no wrong... The best both can do is keep doing their jobs best they can ... but not have any hard feelings by realising that the other too has a role to play....

think about it.... it applies to a lot situations around us today.... :)

2008-12-11T01:53:00.004+05:30

I post lyrics of songs on the blog quite a lot. They all have some things in common. They all are english songs, they all are songs i relate to in some way. But this time both these things are missing. I dont relate as such to this song from "Oye Lucky, Lucky Oye" but the song is something which i have never heard before.

Its in a way a multi mood song :P. If you want to feel happy with it you can ... if you want to feel romantic .. it will bring you the face of your lover.. .if you look at the humor in it .. it will bring a smile on your face... and if you want to feel sad ... it might just make you shed a tear. I simply love the blend to the folky voice and "iktara" sound with the techno type sounds.... AWESOME. People who were involved in creating this track must feel so proud. i just hope someday i could create something so good....

Well here are the lyrics .. along with some of the translation (might not be accurate:P). It is basically the conversation b/w lord shiv and parvati after paravati proposed to him ... really superb... i know i keep saying this ... but then again it is :

Tu Raja Ki Raj Dulari, Main Sirf Langote.., Aala Su.. ) - 2
Bhang Ragad Ke Piya Karu Main, Kundi Sote Aala Su
Tu Raja Ki Raj Dulari, Main Sirf Langote, Aala Su
Bhang Ragad Ke Piya Karu Main, ( Kundi Sote Aala Su ) - 2

Tu Raja Ki Chhori Se, Mere Ek Bhi Daasi Dost Nahi
Chal Tu Shawl Odhan Aali, Mhare Kambal Tak Bhi Paas Nahi
Tu baagan Ki Koyal Se ,aade barf pade Hari Ghaas Nahi
Kis tariya dil Lage Tera, Satran Chaul Prakash Nahi
Kise Saahukar Ke Byah Karwale,Saahukar Ke Byah Karwale
Main Khaali sote Aala Su
Bhang Ragad Ke Piya Karu Main, Kundi Sote Aala Su
Tu Raja Ki Raj Dulari, Main Sirf Langote, Aala Su
Bhang Ragad Ke Piya Karu Main, ( Kundi Sote Aala Su ) - 2

Main dhuna me tapa karun, tu aag dekh ke darr jagi
Rakh ghol ke Piyaa Karu Mera, Bhag Dekh Ke Dar Jaagi
Sau Sau Saap pade reh gale me, Naag Dekh Ke Dar Jaagi

Tane Julfo aala Chhora Chaiye, Julfo aala Chhora Chaiye
Main Lambe Chote aala Su
Bhangh Ragad Ke Piya Karu Main, Kundi Sote Aala Su
(Tu Raja Ki Raj Dulari, Main Sirf Langote, Aala Su
Bhangh Ragad Ke Piya Karu Main, Kundi Sote, Aala Su ) - 11

Meaning :
You are the beloved daughter of the king, i am just a monk who wears a langot - 2
I drink bhang from crushing using a kundi sote (some kind of tool)

You are a kings daughter .. i dont even have friends ...
you walk around wrapped in shawl... i dont even have a quilt...
You come from garderns where koyals dwel.... only snow falls here .. no green grass..
how will you manage to spend time here... there is no light in my house...
you should marry some rich guy... - 2.. i am just a monk who wears langot
i drink bhang......

i usually stay in smoke... you will get scared on seeing the fire...
i drink ashes.... you will get scared on seeing my destiny....
hundreds of snakes dwell on my neck .. you will get scared on seeing the snakes..

you need a guy with locks... i just have a chhoti ...
i drink bhang......

Finally just one last time.. AWESOME SONG

2008-12-08T10:45:00.000+05:30

This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

-Steve Jobs
Stanford 2005 Graduation Speech

2008-10-25T09:00:00.000+05:30

I drink good coffee every morning
comes from a place thats far away
and when i'm done i feel like talking
without you here there is less to say

I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
what is closer to the truth
but if I lived til I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

no longer moved to drink strong whiskey
I shook the hand of time and I knew
that if I lived til I could no longer climb my stairs
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

Face that dances and it haunts me
with laughter still ringin in my ears
I still find peices of your presence here
Even even after all these years

I don't want you thinkin that I don't get asked to dinner
cuz I'm here to say that I sometimes do
and even though I may seem like I'm down
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

If I live til I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

2008-10-23T00:01:00.003+05:30

A: Do you believe in fate?
B: NO!
A: Why?
B: Because, i guess i dont like the fact that i am not in control of my life

I am sure its from a movie, but cant remember which. However today if A exists... B is ME

P.S.: I think i like my posts without the titles....

A wonderful realisation

2008-10-14T16:38:00.004+05:30

Someone today said a thing which brought me a great sense of relief... and i dont know why

"Our mind is incapable of creation, its only function is to react. We can never create a scene, a poem or a play.... we can only react in our own style to things going on around us."

2008-10-13T10:12:00.001+05:30

Softly Now,
You owe it to the world
And everyone knows that you're my favourite girl
But there's some things in life that are not meant to be
I'm not meant for you and your not meant for me
Here's to our problems
And here's to our fights
Here's to our achings
And here's to you having a Good life
From Me
Good Life
Softer Now,
You owe it to yourself
And don't think that you will be left on the shelf
Cause there's someone for you and there's someone for me
Like me you'll meet them eventually
Here's to your lover
And here's to my wife
Here's to your children and here's to you having a good life
From Me
Good Life

Baby Baby Baby Baby
Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby

Louder Now,
You've lost all your pain
You're married with children and happy again
And now I'm regretting the move that I made
Fatal mistakes are so easily made
Enough of my problems they only cause fights
Forget that I rang you
And promise you'll have such a
Beautifully happy and painlessly romantic
Good life
From Me
Good Life

2008-10-10T02:22:00.000+05:30

"The thing is... we dont have to hate each other for getting older ... we just hav to forgive ourselves for growing up"

-The wonder years 4X01 Growing Up

2008-10-09T02:12:00.003+05:30

"The purpose of life is to end"...remember this?
i believe "The purpose of life is to find a reason to end... a reason WORTH ending"....

2008-10-08T01:37:00.001+05:30

I hope one day i can pray again... pray like when i was a child... convinced that someone is surely listening to what i have to say....

2008-10-04T02:19:00.000+05:30

Thousand roads and one band
Making the trip of all times tomorrow
See what they play and tune along
Body aint you baby, the you is what counts

And when those paths are crossed
We will know the destiny
Round about the circle it will complete
I just hope its different from the beginning

I wont go to time machine to change it all
Only thing I would ever invent is a pause button, for me … if not for all
You would say its easier to just rewind
But it will again reach the end sometime

2008-09-26T03:02:00.001+05:30

“All Love stories are same “. Here is what it means. You cannot make someone hear the sound of love, or cook a dish to taste it, You cant blow a wind that would make them feel the special touch, nor write a poem with love as the rhyme. To each person it’s a separate feeling, linking to someone, bringing a feeling of utter simplicity, as if it were the most obvious thing. And all the rest of the stories feel the same to him. But why do people keep writing these romantic stories then. If your neigbour lights a candle, you may not be able to feel the warmth, but you might just be reminded of that flame inside you…..

2008-09-26T02:47:00.001+05:30

Staring of in the space
The twinge under the nose, the dampening of the eyes
I know this too well, I know it somehow
I pray again, to keep me this sane
Because I know, I will be back there again

2008-09-26T02:30:00.003+05:30

Its very difficult to let go of the other… but then again perhaps the answer is in its simplicity. You would feel like a flow once its done, enjoying every twist and change of direction rather than feeling it as a bump or a writers block

2008-09-11T23:36:00.000+05:30

Simply one word for the following passage one of my friends sent me.... "EXACTLY"

BEING IN TWENTIES - SOMETHING WORTH READING
It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.
Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.
You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. You want to settle down for good because now all of a sudden that becomes top priority. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.You begin to think a companion for life is better than a hundred in the shack and for once you would not mind standing tall for that special someone which otherwise you had never thought of until now.You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something friends... maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion...
We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."

2008-08-27T10:42:00.000+05:30

Tell her not to go
I aint holding on no more
Tell her something in my mind freezes up from time to time

Tell her not to cry
I just got scared thats all
Tell her Ill be by her side, all she has to do is call

Tell her the chips are down
I drank too much and shouted it aloud
Tell her something in my heart
Needs her more than even clowns need the laughter of the crowd

Tell her what was wrong
I sometimes think to much
But say nothing at all
And tell her from this high terrain, I am ready now to fall

Tell her not to go
I aint holding on no more
Tell her nothing if not this; all I want to do is kiss her

Tell her something in my mind
Freezes up from time to time.

2008-08-11T11:00:00.003+05:30

I remember the time ... when i enjoyed this feeling .. the feeling of not knowing what lays ahead... it was exciting ... it had possibilities... and more importantly it gave my dreams a breathing space.

But for last few days it seems impossible to get back that feeling. It almost as if ... without realising i have to choose ..... between the life that has been programed for me and that uncertain future. And this time its for real. ITS REAL ... more than i culd have imagined.... its a decision i will only shot at. and slowly i see that breathing space for my dreams fading away.... and thats the thing i am most afraid of ... losing that hope... hope of change... hope of geeting what i want... I cant even tell a person i love about my feelings because i am afraid of bieng snacthed of that illusion that at a perfect moment wuld come when i wuld do that... I heard of a line in this movie that would feel the situation very well.... "A real loser is the one who is afraid of even trying because he might loose"..... but isnt it possible that he is afraid because that dream ... that illusion is so dear to him.... maybe others who get the courage to try .... know that they can handle losing their dream... maybe its not what they really really wanted ... maybe for them there are other options

Even today i believe.... i wuld not live a common life.... i would NOT let go of my dreams .. my ambition .... and this belief is so thin now.... that i fear it might break at any moment.... and i can hear myself shouting

WHY CANT I BE DIFFERENT
WHY IS THERE ALWAYS THAT GUILT FEELING ... that i am doing something wrong... that this not what others expect out of me ... that this would not impress someone i wuld like to impress.... time and again and again and again..... perhaps its true .... HUMAN RACE is born to be misreblle.... EVERYONE ..... People just say things like....
"Life is Unfair".... "grow up .... its real world now".. and this world is mean ... it has no respect for other person .... and i cant understand why ..... i know that one day my reaction to these same questions wuld be .... thats how world is .... but today in this brief moment when i have let myself go .... i scream here .... NO IT CANNOT BE .... IT CANT BE LIKED I DIDNT IMAGINE IT TO BE .... its my way .... my way ...IT HAS TO BE MY WAY .... and i will make it my way ...... one way or another....

2008-07-02T22:02:00.002+05:30

Thank you GOD....

Just a passing thought in the daily travel to office ...

Thankyou GOD .. for this ability to forget ... for I know those special moments are rare .. and we would rather forget the rest...

BUT

more importantly .... Thank you GOD for this ability to forget... so that we may relive those special moments again and again whenever we are reminded of them...

P.S: watched my valfi video last night :P:P

2008-05-20T02:38:00.002+05:30

DID YOU HAVE THIS DREAM??

Everyone knows that we don’t really remember our dreams in most cases… the analogy often used is that they are like sand in your hands … the harder you try to keep it the faster it slips away …. but sometimes I feel they tend to strike back in some completely unrelated moment… or so it seems…. One such dream I realized I had…. And not once too … many times …. Is where under different setups (meaning … sometimes from a field… sometimes from a balcony… sometimes from my hostel room …)… I start running and just take off in the air… as if it was the most obvious thing to do …. And its not like I am soaring in the sky … its just that I start floating… exactly like one would feel while floating in water… I start floating towards the place I wanted to go in my dreams …. But the problem is .. even though initially it feels very obvious … the moment I over think the fact that I am floating … I fall down … and it seems impossible to do it again …. No matter how hard I try .. how hard I run… and just a moment after I give up and stop thinking about it …. I realize my feet is off the ground….. and this time that joy of floating is much much more…. This time I am able to cherish the feeling it actually gives… its pure .. unadulterated… 100% happiness…. Nothing more …. Nothing less…. And I just keep rising ... and so does the feeling…. As I reach very high in the sky … its almost like I know whats gonna happen next …. Do I dread it .. sire I do … do I know what its gonna feel like… I do …. Am I fond of that .. HELL NO…… but still … this time I just know…. And perhaps just knowing whats gonna follow … makes it a different experience …. And u would have guessed too … I start falling … fall like a rock … faster and faster … and I get that gudgudi feeling in my stomach that I cant control …. And BAM like any hindi movie scene … I wake up as soon as I hit the floor…..

After I realized I had this dream … my first reaction was … wow .. this would look cool in a movie … u just keep running and start floating … not in a super human kind of way .. but like it is the most obvious thing to do …. And this picture came to my mind of a book I had when I was kid … it was adventures of peter pan …. Sure my dream didn’t involve pirates and fairies … but somehow I felt that the way the 3 children flew away was exactly the same … maybe even the author of that story had some similar dream and jyst that he extended it in to a fairy tale story with his talent…. And I am stuck here just writing a blog about it ….

(I first ended the blog here … but I am tempted to write the following)

A Theory: Dreams are just invisible dvds floating in the air … that our mind cum dvd player can read once we are asleep …. And after viewing the dvd we throw it back into air … which then might travel to wherever the wind might take it ….

But one thing is for sure …. These dreams are actually better than real movies…. Much much better …. Movies show you the incident… dreams make you feel them … I cant stop thinking about that feeling …. I am a man of limited vocabulary … but I think even if I had the words .. it wont be possible to describe adequately …..

2008-05-05T12:20:00.000+05:30

The REASON

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

2008-04-16T21:14:00.003+05:30

NOT YET

Recently we had our valfi… a function … or a party… or better still a ritual that marks the end of an era. Almost everyone for the last whole semester was waiting for it… I on the other hand was dreading it. I feared that it wont be like I imagine it to be. That something somewhere will go wrong… and this special day will be lost. I feared that I wont get a good slot …that I wont be able to tell everyone, everything I always wanted to… that somewhere someone will be hurt by what I might say. I feared that it will be like that movie that everyone praises... and you can then never enjoy it because of those expectations…I even tried to organize a pre-valfi nite... just in case...

But I culdnt have been more wrong… Everyone I wanted was there… I told everyone what I wanted to…. Hugged each friend one last time… cried .. and cried out loud… got into a mood of saying goodbye to everyone … felt close to every person that mattered. But still even after what will be called tending to perfect valfi … I still dread those hours … even after 4 days … and that is something I cant get of my mind… It is just a moment ago that I realized what the problem was… It was never a matter of .. who was there… what I said… what everyone else said about me… how did I feel … how brilliant the video was.. how perfect the profile was… the only problem was that doing all that… going through that experience meant accepting the fact that its all over now …. Accepting the fact that the reset button of life has been pushed … and I will have to start over and leave behind all that is here today….

Maybe I am not just ready for that…. Not this time…Not yet

2008-04-15T20:21:00.001+05:30

time chk

2008-02-25T15:10:00.005+05:30

COMMENTS PLZZ

To whom so ever it may concern....

NO actually its better to say Dear frnds ...

I need some help from you for a script :D:D.... and the topic is no other than "love"... sounds lame i know, but then i cant help it ... it is quite exciting and i have never written a love story.

Now the task at hand is that i would like you all to comment on a few questions listed below... plz think for moment, think about somethign related to your life connected to that question, and then answer. My thanks is the only incentive i can offer you for this help.... but the best answers 'might' get a treat at CCD ... no just kidding .....

But seriously ... plzz answer these it will help me lot

- Do you think that all love stories are almost the same... or each one is diffeerent

- Do you think ... love can be as fleeting as for half an hour

- Do you infact believe in the word defined love.... or do you think its more of you find someone compatible with you

- What does it feel like bieng in love ( AGAIN i will clarify its not a YASH RAJ productions:P)... you can use as much creativity as you like:P

- Can you fall in 'love' more than once in your lifetime......

- This one is very imp. : imagine a person likes you .... you know it but dont share the same feelings.... somehow you are stuck ina romantic situation.... that other person............. says he/she would like to kiss you .............. What would be your first thoughts........... not what will you say ....... but what will be the first thing going on in your head......

- Also anything else you would like to share on this topic

Just to clarify .. this is actually for a script ... and asking for everyones comments is just another crazy idea from my head ... because many a times i feel .. that whatever i write is very much related to what i know and feel rather than about the people whom i will FORCE to read it and appreciate it ...:P ...

waiting eagerly
Golani

2007-01-23T23:48:00.000+05:30

crying for something thats wrong...

crying for something that culd have happened

crying for the difficult times in the past

crying for the tough road ahead

crying for the fact that everything can be lost

crying to have that victory.... which later wont matter

crying, for things are not as they used to be

crying because everybody hurts

crying for these times may never be remembered......

crying because i dont have an alter ego.....

crying because i feel the need for one

crying because i am not the center of the world...

crying because i might remain ordinary

crying because i am still a child .. programmed to be an adult

crying because this where i cry........

crying because its been too long now.......

crying because i feel manuplated

crying because i can never be alone...

crying because i feel alone

crying because everyone else does too .. and i cant do anything about it

crying because i dont know where i stand..

crying because ... i hope someone might read this

crying because i know they wont understand

CRYING for something ........ BUT DONT KNOW FOR WHAT

2006-12-18T21:46:00.000+05:30

confidence!!

Its just a trick of mind... no person is different with low confidence then what he is when high in confidence..

its all just a trick

one moment u may believe that u can rule the world..... just the next... u find urself incapable of lifting a sword..

one who masters this trick can create wonders.... for he knows like a magician..... he always remebers... its just a trick .. an illusion.. and doesnot actually make any difference if u dont fall for the illusion....

JUST AN ILLUSION

2006-10-06T21:07:00.000+05:30

finding ur identity... the question which almost covers all of my feelings rigth now...

never before did i have this question this long before me... "what do i want to do"?

one needs to be SURE abt himself .. abt his abilities... his talent and intrests.... or in other words know his identity to decide what he wants to do

am i sure of nething.. certainly not.....

life has until now taken care of me.... or lets say... it never presented a choice.... so real.... that it creates a doubt in me....
i thougth maybe by writing it down i might be able to figure something out.... but now i can see it is not helping... i think the only way out can be to discuss it with someone....

Bye

2006-09-16T07:20:00.000+05:30

Today as i look back to the day i created this blog.... i was different... i believed in things that were stupid... that i now realize were unrealistic.... but they were full of passion..... or rather full of a self esteem blown out of proportion.... a person who was caught up between what he could do.. and what everyone else he could do.....
Maybe in that way i havent changed much ... for starters i am still to be sure of what i can do... and what others expect me to do....

i thought i would write in this blog everything that i felt from the day i created it.... but well as tells the date.... its after a really long time.... maybe i needed to wait this long.. to understand things a bit better..... to know that u never knwo it all.... that u never even get to know a tiny bit of it all

I guess i have become afraid of challenges.... challanges that might lead to failure... i was not like that once.... i didnt think twice about ne faliur.. i took life simply.... within ... a kind of logic... only i understood.... and it worked ... it showed me recognition...... it brought me sucess.... it brought me frnds..... Maybe it was because then i didnt have nething to lose.... or i had too little brains to calculate things and that everytime the luck favoured me..... whatever it was ..... today i realize what it takes to stand up in the crowd and be on the losing side..... be on the side i have seen people satnding on..... i learnt lessons from it no other experience could have taught.... i realized what it meant when people said... "faliurs make u learn much more "

I realized the condition of the people who stood by that crowd of 5000... that crowd who would cheer them on the stupidest joke.. the crowd that would boo them on the subtlest remark..... the crowd that shed tears for u.... the crowd that laughed at ur face..... i learnt that those people r the ones who were leaders... who did what they had to do.... who knew of the failure approaching and faced it like a man.....

I now knew..... bieng completly honest ..... was not what leaders do..... they had to suffer somethigns on their own..... the defeat..... the agaony..... and the helplessness of not bieng able to nething

as i sit here today.... alone.. in my room... i dream..... and i note this dream.. to remeber.... something i might think was stupid after a series of more experiences..... btu well i am a in the moment kind off guy... i dream of going on with my dream of being no ordinary person..... i DREAM BIG

i dont know... whether this thought will gone from my mind or not after i wake up... but what i know is that right now i believe it,...... and ehy... like i wrote in my script.... believeing is what counts.....

this passageis not written by a person who has made a startling discovery which will change him completely... infact it is th person who is still as confused as he was ... still as afraid as he was..... e might not even look back twice on this passage... but he hopes ot make history... he hopes that life will take him to his destined routes as it alwasy ahs..... that life will continue its lessons... SO important lessons.. and that he misses none of them

may all the dreams come true....coz hey dreaming about it is never harmful

2006-07-01T10:49:00.000+05:30

Banja Sikandar

Neela Aasmaa , Gehra samander
Suraj Ki Kirno main, jaadu sa hai asar
Jhilmilate taare, Chandrama ki nazar
Kehte tuhse har pal, banja sikander

Behti hui ye hawa, leharati ye lehar
Mushkil hai ye safar, pathrili hai dagar
Hona tujhpe asar,chalta jaa bekhabar
Manzil hai besabar,banja sikander

Bikhre hue hain,dher saare
Timtimate aur lubhate jaane kitne taare,
Teri manzil ye nahi hai,
Tujhko paana hai
Chandrama ka wo saathi,
Tez hai Jiski Chamak
Chandrama to hai sheetal,
Gehri uski Garaj
Banja tu suraj,
banja sikander.
Jeetle ye jahaan, tujhsa ho naojawan
aisa ho karwaan

- composed and written by Sid

2006-06-28T08:14:00.000+05:30

Whats up with all the blogging dude....

Yeah this the space where i can be as funny as i want... =)) =)) =)) ...... ok thts enough for today .... =))